Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I understand Curling. That high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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