My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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