my mouth tastes like poor choices
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
