Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
