They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
