Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
