dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
