Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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