We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
