Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
