his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
