then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
