i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
