is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Four minutes until I can fart!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
