he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
