Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
