Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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