VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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