Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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