just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
