Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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