Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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