Pappa wants mamma naked
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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