My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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