So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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