he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
