I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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