I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
