god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
