I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
