So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
