I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
