Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
