just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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