So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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