people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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