Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
