she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
