tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
