no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
