you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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