Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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