i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
