so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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