well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
