Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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