doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
