Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
