omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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