Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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