I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
