dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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