C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
