So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
