I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is Oprah even human
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
