i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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