My hand turned me down
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
