I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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