He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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