Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
