and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.