Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?