I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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