Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.