My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.