I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers