i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway