My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well you can't waste a boner
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
