I hope mine doesn't look like that
they need to just BURY HIM!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
