Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
