It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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