quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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