yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
