then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
