you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
