dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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