New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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