I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
