i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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